I just recently got out of a pretty long relationship. I used to spend something like 83 percent of my time with this guy, so coming to terms with "being single" has been extraordinarily difficult for me. There are other factors, but I'm not going to get into them.
The one thing we liked to do together was go and get dinner at a restaurant sometimes.Now, I can cook, but sometimes it was easier with time to grab a bite at a restaurant.
I don't do it very often, if at all, but now that I'm single, eating out alone is well,.... weird. Awkward. Almost shocking. Maybe it's just me.
The other day I stopped into my local Buffalo Wild Wings. I was hungry. I wanted some bone-in spicy garlic wings, and I had some time in my schedule after school. The server told me that I could sit anywhere, so I chose a little table where I could sit and watch the television easily. I felt awkward just sitting there by myself. I fiddled with my purse, organized some receipts in my wallet and tapped my nails on the table anxiously, waiting for a server. It wasn't a rush hour or anything at about 4 pm, so I just waited patiently. I wasn't in a rush or anything, but I was hungry. I looked to make eye contact with a server in hopes she'd notice me. A full twenty five minutes passed and I finally walked up to the counter and said, "Um, I've been sitting here a while, and no one's come over."
Her eyes got wide and she rushed a server that had just come on the clock over to where I was sitting. I couldn't blame this poor server for the hostess' mistake. When she took my order she asked, "Are you waiting for someone?"
"No. Just me." I said, sheepishly. I felt stupid because yeah, it was just me. Alone. I almost had an inclination to be like "No, actually I've been stood up," or "He's not here yet, but I'll order anyway" in an effort to make myself feel a tiny bit better. But I didn't.
I got my wings and celery and got to eating. Even eating my wings alone was uncomfortable. I felt like eyes were on me. They probably weren't, but I felt like it. I wanted to eat and get out of there. I did end up getting my meal almost for free with all the confusion about my being served, so I left the server a nice tip.
It's like a simple comfort to share a meal with someone. Sharing time, and conversation, food and drink. Eating engages all the senses and nurtures the soul. I don't think we are meant to eat alone.Meals are suppose to be a communal thing. I mean, I can cook and eat a bowl of rice at home by myself, but I think that's different.
A few weeks before this, I had dinner with my younger sister and brother for my brother's 18th birthday. It was nice because I don't get to see my sister much since she's studying in Ohio. The fact that we were able to come together, all three of us, was nice. We were able to catch up and eat together. We talked and shared stories. It was pleasant.
Perhaps I need to realize the independence of enjoying something alone, but that is a process. I need to enjoy something as simple as my soup and sandwich and savor that moment to myself. It's just not ingrained in me.
Eating alone is such a stark reality. I think from now on, unless I'm taking a friend or family member out or something, I'll take mine to go. Chinese take out for one, please. I'll enjoy my lo mein noodles in the comfort of my own home.
